Nothing lasts forever...well...almost nothing!

I vividly remember the first time (as long as my memory goes) I got hurt real bad by a friend. The place when she was saying all the bad things to me and I was simply crying (Oh I used to be expert at that!). That day, that hurt was center of my existence then. And at that moment I felt I will never forget this hurt. 

~~chuckles~~. Now that I look back, I have  a good laugh at the incident and how I felt soooo immensely about it and how I thought it would stay with me “forever”. And then came many incident I felt equally strong about which I thought would stay with me forever like “the way my heart used to melt every time I looked at my first crush”, “that big fight with my best friend”, “that first kiss”, “leaving my parents to come to Pune”, “that first salary”, “that first confrontation with loss of loved ones”, “the bliss feeling when I first looked at the blue water of Maldives”…the list can go on! Many of these would also feel very petty to you when you now look at it, but Gosh those were center of my universe then, something I thought would stay with me forever be the it Love, the pain, the loss, the anger, the frustration…. Did it? Offcourse it didn’t, you like it or not “nothings stays forever”. Offcourse I remember the incidents but it doesn’t inflict any strong emotion in me. Surely not with the strong intensity it was then.

I remember a friend of mine saying one “You know, memories are fading, the intensity is fading, I don’t even remember her face now, its fading. Memories are not enough, they are fading. I thought I could live on her memories alone, but looks like I cant, memories are fading too, I need to move on!” These were words from a person who loved immensely and lost her…like forever…. And that day, that very day I felt, nothing lasts forever…. It cannot, its not practical and I believe for everyone’s good it should not!

Funny enough, we say life is too short to hold grudges but its long enough to help us forget those grudges and just move on! Irony of life I must say.

Well, it’s a bad news but trust me it’s a good news too. Bad news because I wanna feel what it felt like being on the top of Switzerland’s peak but I just cannot! Bad news because I want to remember that every “first time” in life but I cannot, surely not with the same intensity! Bad news because I wish I cud trap all the wonderful memories in a box called mind and just replay them every time I felt like, note by note…emotion by emotion. Well bad news, I cannot! But the good side, I don’t get to remember the heart breaks ;), the hurt, the grudges, having hurt someone (as I am of opinion, getting hurt is always easy to forget than hurting someone), the pain, the sadness, the trauma. Well there is advantages of this “buggy” feature of my mind, I get to happily forget all the horrible memories, the memories I don’t want, rather I don’t need to carry baggage of!

Such is human nature, such are we evolved, to keep the past behind, not cling to it for happiness or pain and just move on! Its beauty and beast at the same time. Never ceases to amaze me and give me more and more reason to chuckle at myself with the same thought every time “What was I thinking then!!!” It’s a necessary evil, aint it!?!

The Happy faces! The Proud faces!

 Remember this happiness, this relieved feeling.... The feeling that we have accomplished it and there's no stopping us! Here comes the board result and with it the newspaper filled with such happy and content faces. Look at the deadly combination of innocence, happiness and proud feeling....its rare. Ever thought what must be going through their minds... I find some strange kind of happiness looking at those pics which I cannot define, but I just genuinely feel happy. May be these pics connect me back to my memories...the board exam results!

Board exam, the most dreaded devil, the one which our parents repeatedly told us would define us and our Future and we believed them :). I remember giving everything I had to these board exams, the 10th std and more so for the 12th std. Those odd hours of study, the tension, those ambitions.

12th std board exam, that's the most ambitious I ever felt, that's the most effort I have ever put to achieve something. There was this powerful driving force driving me, the biggest being to make my parents proud, the second being to get admission in my dream college, the third being see my picture in the newspaper and last being to prove myself I have it and that I can do it!

And then the "judgement day", the results day, the most awaited yet dreaded day. As its always with me, I can hardly eat any food when I am in tension, I hardly talk and that day was no different. And then the unbelievable result...all the hard work being paid off and all the Goals achieved! That's the happiest and most proud I felt about myself till date! Me and my parents could not stop smiling...the way they looked at me....that feeling is priceless...can never forget their faces. That day I felt maybe...just maybe...I could payback, although in a small way, for all that they have done for me... Then started the gifts and sweets being showered by all the loved ones... I was on cloud 9! The felicitations, the attention...wow!

But the BEST moment is when my Dad told me "Till now I was known as Dr.Nawandar....today is my proudest moment as I am being known as my daughter's Dad". Tell me... can any happiness, any gifts, anything ever compare to this.... No wonder I feel so happy looking at those happy faces, the parent's proud faces...it just connects me to my best memories till date, somethings I will cherish and take inspiration from all my life...

Now why I am sharing all this. No sir! I am not bragging, just sharing my most precious memories. And with this wondering where did the heady zest go, why I never felt the same at any other point in my life. If we look back we know we have achieved many more things than the 12th board exam but never felt the same happiness.... Wondering why... what is that we have lost growing old.... Got to hunt it down!