It all started running through my mind when an intern friend from IIT B commented in a party, “Its difficult to be a girl in an IIT. If you achieve something guys say it must be Easy. And if you cannot do something, you are a girl, its not your cup of tea”. I found it humiliating and was very angry at first and I almost immediately told her don’t worry we will prove everyone otherwise. And I realized there it starts! The struggle to find your place in this male dominated society (Yes I say that and I stand by it because atleast for this generation it’s a fact in India. Things have improved but its still a fact.) The constant struggle to prove yourself and does that end only at workspace…no…that attitude continues and you wanna prove yourself at home as a good home maker, then when you have kid you got to prove you can be a wonderful mother too! Are we not expecting too much of ourselves, trying to balance everything and expecting to excel bloody everywhere?
And then there is this "unsaid" perception of this 21st century society that you are a “new age” and “complete” woman only if you strikes the balance between home and office. And in pursuit to get this recognition, we stretch ourselves so much and try to prove yes we can do it all! To me it feels like too much of pressure and burden. At workspace whenever any women is getting recognition, it always mentioned she has kids, family, home and balancing everything as if that’s one of the criteria to get that recognition. I am not denying the fact that ofcourse it’s a tough job. But if you choose not to
do this why it makes you any less an achiever in life. But it’s always portrayed so and many of us fall prey to it.
But the burden does not necessarily come from society or outside world. We Women are cursed with this big emotion “Guilt”. I know this friend of mine who was had a successful career and then left job to take care of the child. She is giving complete love and care to child and on top of it I always see her going out of way to do things that her husband loves. She gets tired and frustrated but still continues doing it. One day I asked her to take a chill pill. I told her, ask your husband to help you and he must understand even if some things are not done his way. And then she said “Are! he works so much and supports family, I am just sitting home, I can do atleast this much” and I realized it’s a not a request coming from husband, it’s a self-imposed burden! Guilt of not contributing to family financially. Again expecting too much of ourselves! Why we women do this to ourselves?! We are our biggest critic!
So much of stress is taxing us, the abortion rate has increased drastically and you ask doctors, they contribute it to our stressful life style. More and more women are falling prey to depression. Why all this, to be looked at as “21st century women” or to find position and respect in male dominated society or we are just groomed to expect more of ourselves!
I am not saying its bad to try and balance everything. No way! But lets do it only if we feel like. Not because everyone else is doing it. And more importantly I am saying that if you by choice or by circumstances cannot do it, there is no need to feel any lesser or feel guilty. If you are a career oriented women and cannot be a good home maker, its so ok! Why feel guilty?! We, the women of this generation should embrace this attitude and only then can we pass this to our daughters. Because there is need to feel liberated, to be burdened with our own expectations with ourselves is not the right way to live. We need to groom our sons that your mother/wife can very well be a careerist and you should be ok with it and rather support her. And actions speak louder than words. We need to embrace this attitude ourselves first without feeling guilty about it. Its only then we will achieve equality in true sense.
