Just few days back I saw an impressive documentary “The
World Before Her”, in that a strong independent charismatic girl justifies the
fact that once when she lied to her parents, her father hit her leg with a
burning iron rod. Her reply was “It’s his right, after all he decided to give
birth to me and let me live even though I am a girl”. And the casualness with
which she justified it, you know she believe in it to the core and is indebted
to her father forever and will justify his wrongdoing forever! THIS part of the
documentary struck me, it struck me hard, because I realized that its not only
her, I and many more such women of our generation are indebted for so many
things that are our right. I call this generation of women, "the indebted
generation”.
I myself from the core of my heart am indebted that my
father decided to send me to a bigger city for education. I am indebted to the
fact that he always treats me like his boy. I am indebted that my husband let
me pursue my career. I am indebted that he respects my identity and treats me
like an equal. I am indebted that he has
never stopped me from wearing the clothes I
want to wear. Hush! So many things to be indebted for…. But I genuinely feel
that and there is no getting away from that feeling.
But the question is should I feel indebted? If I had the talent
and earned marks enough that I deserved to get the education at better place, is
it not my right? If my parents gave birth to both me and my brother with all
their wish and heart and love, is it not my right to be given same treatment as
my brother? Doing job, being respected as a person, having freedom to do what I
want and wear what I want, these all are my rights, my basic rights. Then why
do I still feel the burden. Why do I still ask my husband, “are you sure I can
wear this”, although I know he will always say yes. Why this guilt, why this
burden? Have you even seen or heard a guy saying “My parents sent me to this
better college for education, oh I am so grateful!” or “My father allowed me
this overnight stay, he is so wonderful!” or “My wife allowed me to wear this
shorts, I could not have asked for better wife!”. No they don’t. I don’t blame
them; they are behaving the way they should. It’s their RIGHT, same as its
ours.
But then why are we burdened with this guilt? Because
nobody, neither my father, nor my husband asked me to be indebted, then from
where does this strong feeling come? A little thought and the answer presents
itself before us! Women have been oppressed historically. They have been
deprived of their basic rights. I would call the previous generation or all the
generations before couple of generations as “oppressed generation”. They were
just followers; they had no right, no say. We have grown up seeing such women,
such situations. So whatever freedom we are getting is BONUS, right! We feel we
don’t deserve this and it’s a gift that we are getting from our life. We feel
indebted!
What’s the problem with being indebted you say. I say "feeling indebted while exercising your basic right", feels right? Because then
we justify wrong things right; I have seen women justifying the wrong doing of
the man when she should not have. Because then it reflects everywhere, in our
confidence in job; we get easily happy with what we got; we don’t feel we
deserve more than that. It reflects in the way you lead your life etc. It
reflects subconsciously in so many things…
A little gratitude is always good; my problem is not with
that. But attributing something and someone for our basic rights, THAT needs to change. And that change is
difficult; I can feel the resistance inside me while I am even writing this
blog. However hard I try I might still be forever indebted to the wonderful men
in my life. But there is hope, slowly and surely the next generations of women
will get out of this burden and live freely. Our daughters will look up to us
and hopefully won’t feel unnecessarily indebted for anything for that matter
.She will lead a free life and will choose her path, her life and lead it with
a much more boosting confidence than we do. I will look forward to that day J.
And lastly I would take this opportunity to convey respect
to all the wonderful men who have the courage to change and accept change. They
are indeed a catalyst in our growth, for making the shift from oppressed
generation to indebted generation. Thanks guys!
