Trust me when I say, I know what I am talking about.
All of us face a situation in life one/multiple times when the "painful" side of Life slap us with big jolt and we feel our life is shattered. That jolt leaves a 'scar' in our Life and then the pain takes over. Pain is pain, be it big or small. I always say to each one his/her own. One cannot and should not compare pain of one person with another, it would be idiotic to do so.
There are some things on which we have control in Life and others we don't. We have no control over the circumstances but we definitely have control over how to react to it, how long to brood about it and off course how early to come out of it. When we are scarred, follows the pain and with pain comes self-pity which inflicts more pain. Being in self-pity mode is apparently very easy and comfortable. Its comfortable I say because its definitely easier than being strong and face and fight situation. When people around you see you feeling bad for yourself, they also start feeling bad for you. There comes "sympathy". Sympathy is equally comforting but not healthy at all! Sympathy in turn leads to more self-pity. Thus we get stuck in the vicious cycle of self-pity in attempt of not facing pain only to increase the duration of pain in longer run.
I am not by any means suggesting that don't feel pain, that don't share pain. I am never in support of denying emotions ever in my life. I am the most emotional one and my closed one will swear by it. All I am requesting is don't fall prey to the comfortable couch of self-pity for long duration. Look around, identify your blessings. I understand its not easy but that's what makes it important. Count your blessings. Stop others from feeling bad for you, it doesn't help AT ALL. Rather show them how Life should be lead, make them proud of you (not that it matters what others think of you). There will be a set of people who will think of you as 'heartless' for battling pain so soon and trying to be happy. Such sadistic people are in abundance, don't let them inflict guilt in you for trying to be happy and moving on so fast.
Pain will take its time to go away. And however hard you try it will keep showing up at your door again and again. Everything takes time, but how much time is what you can control and I truly believe in it. The 'scar' will be there and initially will keep reminding you of pain, will imbibe fear in you. You have to battle it. But in longer run that 'scar' should remind you of how bravely you fought you pain and not of how miserable you were.
Time heals everything they say, I agree. But the point is no one dictates "how much" time, only YOU can.
I Believe!
All of us face a situation in life one/multiple times when the "painful" side of Life slap us with big jolt and we feel our life is shattered. That jolt leaves a 'scar' in our Life and then the pain takes over. Pain is pain, be it big or small. I always say to each one his/her own. One cannot and should not compare pain of one person with another, it would be idiotic to do so.
There are some things on which we have control in Life and others we don't. We have no control over the circumstances but we definitely have control over how to react to it, how long to brood about it and off course how early to come out of it. When we are scarred, follows the pain and with pain comes self-pity which inflicts more pain. Being in self-pity mode is apparently very easy and comfortable. Its comfortable I say because its definitely easier than being strong and face and fight situation. When people around you see you feeling bad for yourself, they also start feeling bad for you. There comes "sympathy". Sympathy is equally comforting but not healthy at all! Sympathy in turn leads to more self-pity. Thus we get stuck in the vicious cycle of self-pity in attempt of not facing pain only to increase the duration of pain in longer run.
I am not by any means suggesting that don't feel pain, that don't share pain. I am never in support of denying emotions ever in my life. I am the most emotional one and my closed one will swear by it. All I am requesting is don't fall prey to the comfortable couch of self-pity for long duration. Look around, identify your blessings. I understand its not easy but that's what makes it important. Count your blessings. Stop others from feeling bad for you, it doesn't help AT ALL. Rather show them how Life should be lead, make them proud of you (not that it matters what others think of you). There will be a set of people who will think of you as 'heartless' for battling pain so soon and trying to be happy. Such sadistic people are in abundance, don't let them inflict guilt in you for trying to be happy and moving on so fast.
Pain will take its time to go away. And however hard you try it will keep showing up at your door again and again. Everything takes time, but how much time is what you can control and I truly believe in it. The 'scar' will be there and initially will keep reminding you of pain, will imbibe fear in you. You have to battle it. But in longer run that 'scar' should remind you of how bravely you fought you pain and not of how miserable you were.
Time heals everything they say, I agree. But the point is no one dictates "how much" time, only YOU can.
I Believe!
i commented and it vanished!
ReplyDeletegrrr . Ok i will have to do the honors again!
ReplyDeleteOne should just live the moment! Everything else is taken care of . When one does not think about future or the past, the present moment is always happy and without any pain , worries etc . Also, i believe in whatever happens is for good in the long run . Life is too short to be taken seriously anyways :) Just enjoy the moment .
I so agree with you Kruti. But then as human atleast I fail to have this attitude at times. And the mere like me feel the emotions and need strength to come out of it. This post is for those times when I am just not able to live in the moment. Rest of the times, I am awesome ;) :P
DeleteEveryone is bound to have ups and downs in terms of who is the Boss ( you or your brain). There are bound to be weak moments :) which should be forgotten and not given any importance :) (in terms of feeling guilty that how could i not control the weak moments etc )
ReplyDeleteTo each ones his/her own :) As I always say :)
DeleteOffcourse with mucho respecto for the fact that you indeed are Boss of your brain :)
Self pity, the safest way out n most of us do that....very practical thoughts,well written,Komal!!!
DeleteThanks preeti :)
DeleteGreat Thoughts. Nicely penned down! The last line was really thought provoking "Time heals everything, but no one dictates 'how much' time, only YOU can."
ReplyDeleteThanks Saurav. This line simply occurred to me in the flow of writing this :)
Delete@Komal - Hell no ! I am a novice learning the game :) I have been through what you have described above (more towards guilt that i might do or doing something wrong) . What i mentioned above is what i have learnt through it :)
ReplyDeleteKeep learning and keep sharing :)
DeleteThis is just what I needed to read right now .. Thank you :)
ReplyDeleteWelcome "anonymous" :)
DeleteAll kind of good/bad things are bound to happen in one's life.
ReplyDeleteIts more important how one reacts to the situation.
That reaction decides the duration of 'scar' and hence pain. :-)
Komals, nice to see u writing
Chasma uttar duniya dekh... ur search for life end after seeing beautiful world :-)
-J