Tuesday, September 8, 2015

The day I cried inconsolably looking at my daughter

"Its a baby girl!"
Doctors told me. From that moment till the moment they showed me her face, that wait felt like an eternity. When I saw her face, all I could think, she's beautiful and she's mine.... The most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I was over the moon, I had my c-section in the morning but I insisted she to be on my side (not in the crib) all day. I could not sleep in the day, neither in the night for I was so paranoid that something might happen to her. The entire experience was overwhelming!! Slowly and surely the routine set in and I was busy feeding her (like half of the day!! ;)), changing her nappies and what not. I also got busy caring for my own body and working towards recovery.

In the entire process, I almost forgot to let the experience and the change of having a baby sink in. I practically had no time. But then one fine day, I was looking at my daughter sleeping so peacefully and before I knew tears were rolling down my cheek and I just could not stop crying. All I could say was, "God, she's so cute!". I felt so vulnerable at that moment as if my heart has been ripped from my body in the form of my baby and is out for anybody to hurt. I could not help but think that I cannot let anything happen to my baby. I knew that I am to experience plethora of emotions I never knew before, the fears I never had, the happiness like never before and what not! I never felt so vulnerable yet happy at the same time. Its the feeling I have been struggling to put in words, this is the best I could come up with. But that day I realised what its like to be a mother. And I promised myself and my daughter that I will be there for her always no matter what and that I will never let anything happen to her always!
This image aptly describes what I felt:



Being mother changes you in so many ways! I wont trade this feeling for anything in this whole wide world!
Btw my husband had good laugh looking at my cry for no reason. He took a picture of me crying and still makes a point to tease me about the same ;) :P

7 comments:

  1. As usual,nicely written.....theres so much written out there about Motherhood which one can truly experience when you are actually there ....lots of those moments when you can't just explain what you feel......anyways I am very happy for you ....daughters are always cute and loving!!! I don't need to tell you Enjoy the phase,I know you must be and you will ......btw Last statement is very true,Mangesh laughed at me so many times for the same reason...but who bothers,right??

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    1. Very true Preeti! I am enjoying to the core.
      Thanks dear!

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  2. Komal, soooooo true. Even I went through the same feelings the first day 😊 Every mother has just one small wish for her darling..... that, she shd get all the happiness of the world 😃

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    1. Yes Sushmi di!
      And no harm should ever even touch her :)

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  3. touches your heart...well written :)

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