If I die tomorrow

Don’t worry guys, I am “still” sane and let me assure you I am not planning to die anytime soon. I am there to bug you guys as long as life allows me…But a thought crossed my mind many times…If I die tomorrow.

I get some sweet satisfaction thinking about how my closed ones would react if I die tomorrow. Earlier I thought I the only psycho case. But then I was stunned to find that many people have thought about it “atleast” once and I judged myself to be not as crazy as I think I am ;)

When I think about my death, I think of all the people who would be shocked and would be crying… Then I go to length of imagining what would be reaction of all my closed ones…one by one…in as much detail as my imagination goes. Then I imagine some of my friends posting on Facebook about how “good a person” I was (as after someone’s death you generally don’t put bad things about them even if you want ;)  :D). I have managed to be very dumb and earned some people who, I think, would be happy at my death and I also think about them. I think of all the “good” things people might have to say on my funeral. Yes sir, I do that and I know many of us does that.

I understand its a facet of my imagination but to be honest, I smile while I am thinking of the aftermath of my death because that makes me feel good about myself. Be it in my imagination but I know I am important to people and I "self-certify" myself to be worth mourned for. And somewhere deep I am confident that I have earned myself at least few people who would be crushed by my death, few more people who would genuinely feel sad, and some more who would at least for a day feel bad that I am gone. And we all know that about ourselves and we all have earned these people with different level of closeness and concern about us. I also know that eventually everybody would move on and I would be a memory... fading with a greater speed every day. I know that’s lot of sadism to take, but then boss, fact is fact.

But then I think even if things happen in all the pompous way I imagine it to be, it would be such a waste! It would be such a grand grand waste! All those people would have all the good things and the bad things and all the memories with me to talk about but alas... I won’t be there to listen to it all…. What’s the use talking about that person when he is gone, it would be so much better if we communicate more now. How much sense would it make to value that person when he is long gone, never to return ever again, better say each other how much you value them now. Whats the use of feeling I wish I could I could once explain things to him/her and say her sorry when the other person won’t be able to listen to you, why not just pick up that silly phone and do it now. Now is the key, for all we know the loved one might possibly be gone tomorrow and all the things would be left unsaid. Express, communicate all your feelings now for once the person is gone, you how much ever you try….you won’t reach him/her.

There was this friend of mine whom I lost all of a sudden and then I felt such a void…. I kept feeling I wish I could invite her for the last outing we went to…. I wished I could tell her she was such a wonderful person with such a lively smile. In desperation to communicate to her, even after her death, I kept writing to her for a while hoping I could reach her… off course I could not….

There is this sweet book I was reading a while ago called “Tuesdays with Morrie” which is about a professor, Morrie, who is contracted by a fatal disease and about the lessons of life he gives to one of his very dear student, Mitch, every Tuesday. In that book Morrie told Mitch about how he attended funeral of a friend and all the people there had so many good things and so many memories to share about his friend. “He would have so much loved to hear it all, it was such a waste!” he said. Morrie knew he would be dying soon, so he kept his funeral before he died where all his loved ones came and shared all the memories with him. He could hear it all before he died… everything they had to say.

Not all are fortunate/unfortunate enough to know when they would die. Like Morrie, not everybody would get a chance to attend his pre-funeral funeral. Now is the time people. We are so busy with our “routine”, we take so many things for granted. But most of all we take time for granted. Time flies, it won’t wait. Love, Live, Express, say Sorry, Praise    and most of all Value what you have.